Before I became a Christian I used to have this idea that if I told people what was really going on, I'd be bothering them. Loading them with problems that they didn't need to hear. Worrying that they'd think that I was over exaggerating or that they'd think I was some kind of attention seeker. This resulted in countless nights crying myself to sleep. Crying over past hurt that I just didn't want to face at the time. Hoping that if I pushed it to the back of my head it would just go away. I'd mentally break down from all the overwhelming emotions building up in myself.
Now a Christian and reflecting on the past, I realised that this was the worst way to handle a situation. Instead of ignoring all the pain, I should have dealt with it then. I should have found a solution to that predicament, thus preventing hurt and pain and anger in the future. It's come to my attention that in today's society we've got this mental attitude that our problems will just go away, or, that our problems can wait because we've got a big exam coming up. We've got a friend in need and we need to focus on them. Then one things leads to another and then one night laying in bed a single tear will fall down and crash on to our pillows, and all the hurt we chose to ignore comes back. Suddenly all the bad dreams make sense, it's because we've chosen to ignore what is bothering us. I say often that we're not superman/woman. We can't change everyone. We can't help others until we've learnt to deal with our own emotions.
I've found that problems in the past that are left unsolved tend to cause more problems in the future. They tend to "cloud our decisions" and turn us into a person that people either don't want to know, or a person that isn't our self. It really doesn't have to be like that. Deal with your issue's or problems as they arise, not when you can't take much more of them. I understand that it won't happen overnight, but a start is part of the way there.
Sian xox
We will run, together our hearts a flame, a fire that can't be tamed, our God, all glory to your name
Dear Sian,
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be really honest here. Before I read this post I was about to sit on my carpet and have a good old weep because I felt that nobody would want to listen to me. I felt really really alone and was desperate for someone to talk to. I quickly said hi to my friend on facebook chat, but they made an excuse and went offline and I just felt very sorry for myself.
HOWEVER, after reading this I was reminded of something which people at church have been drumming into me over the past week. That I can come to them for anything, that I need to address the pain I'm feeling NOW otherwise it will come back to haunt me later. SO, after writing this message I am going to text my friend and pop round to her house for a cup of tea and I'm going to SHARE EVERYTHING.
Thank you thank thank you for writing this Sian :-)
LOVES x